This page was created by Brian Robinson in 2006.
Situations Page...
Parent Page For Questions, Concerns, Issues, Handling Situations...
Many of the situations, good or bad, that are happening or will happen during the AAU Season, have already happened in a similar shape, form, or fashion in our program before. I hope that you will use this page, as your guide, to help handle situations when they arise. Just look down this page, and an example of your situation is probably listed below. I have stated before, on a page on this web site, that "History Repeats Itself". If for some reason, there is not a reference point to go to, an explanation on how to handle the situation is attached. Yours For Better Basketball... Always, Coach Robinson
Many of the situations, good or bad, that are happening or will happen during the AAU Season, have already happened in a similar shape, form, or fashion in our program before. I hope that you will use this page, as your guide, to help handle situations when they arise. Just look down this page, and an example of your situation is probably listed below. I have stated before, on a page on this web site, that "History Repeats Itself". If for some reason, there is not a reference point to go to, an explanation on how to handle the situation is attached. Yours For Better Basketball... Always, Coach Robinson
What You Want...
What You Want...
... as I started putting this page together, I came to realize that all of the "situational handling" and "problem-solving" went directly to one simple point: Parents trying to place their daughters in the best situation possible so they can be as successful as they can be. That is what every parent should do for their child, yet, its how you, as a parent, go about that "placement" that sometimes leads to hidden destruction now, and then regret later. I see RED FLAGS when parents do certain things that they shouldn't be doing, or making decisions they shouldn't be making. These flags come to my attention, because I have seen them from parents that came before you in this program, who tried to manipulate situations, or tear someone else's kid down to make their own better. Basically, it revolves around trying to manipulate the situation to meet their daughter's needs. I'll try to answer the question of "Why don't you stop these parents when you see them doing these "bad" things", and "How do I, as a parent, get my daughter to where I think she can go with her basketball career", later on, on this page.
Most parents have told me that they joined our program so that their kids would get one of the following opportunities:
- An opportunity to get better so that their daughter can make their school team.
- Be a "vehicle" to take their daughter to another level during AAU Season.
- Make their daughter better so they can excel on their school team.
And then the big goal...
Seeing if we can get them to the level of former Stealers that are playing Major Division I Basketball either in the ACC or in another major conference.
If the last goal is accomplished, the other three goals had to have been met.
What I have decided to do with this page is give you, the parent, examples, specific examples, of what our former players' parents did to allow their daughters that BIG GOAL opportunity. Again, the parents that didn't try and manipulate their teams, and the situations around them ended up being successful in this program. The track of the program gives each participant a straight line from A to Z to get to where they want to go. It is the ones that veer off of that line (by manipulating present situations) that end up being frustrated, quitting, and then regretting when it is all said and done.
Yes, there are two other pages on this web site that you can look at that may have some similar points made, those two pages being:
-Founder's Philosophy
-Straight from the Parent's Mouth
I think I can condense some of those ideas into some specific examples of the girl's that have come through the program, things that they have had to go through (that you are going through, or will go through), and how to try and make it work for your daughter.
... as I started putting this page together, I came to realize that all of the "situational handling" and "problem-solving" went directly to one simple point: Parents trying to place their daughters in the best situation possible so they can be as successful as they can be. That is what every parent should do for their child, yet, its how you, as a parent, go about that "placement" that sometimes leads to hidden destruction now, and then regret later. I see RED FLAGS when parents do certain things that they shouldn't be doing, or making decisions they shouldn't be making. These flags come to my attention, because I have seen them from parents that came before you in this program, who tried to manipulate situations, or tear someone else's kid down to make their own better. Basically, it revolves around trying to manipulate the situation to meet their daughter's needs. I'll try to answer the question of "Why don't you stop these parents when you see them doing these "bad" things", and "How do I, as a parent, get my daughter to where I think she can go with her basketball career", later on, on this page.
Most parents have told me that they joined our program so that their kids would get one of the following opportunities:
- An opportunity to get better so that their daughter can make their school team.
- Be a "vehicle" to take their daughter to another level during AAU Season.
- Make their daughter better so they can excel on their school team.
And then the big goal...
Seeing if we can get them to the level of former Stealers that are playing Major Division I Basketball either in the ACC or in another major conference.
If the last goal is accomplished, the other three goals had to have been met.
What I have decided to do with this page is give you, the parent, examples, specific examples, of what our former players' parents did to allow their daughters that BIG GOAL opportunity. Again, the parents that didn't try and manipulate their teams, and the situations around them ended up being successful in this program. The track of the program gives each participant a straight line from A to Z to get to where they want to go. It is the ones that veer off of that line (by manipulating present situations) that end up being frustrated, quitting, and then regretting when it is all said and done.
Yes, there are two other pages on this web site that you can look at that may have some similar points made, those two pages being:
-Founder's Philosophy
-Straight from the Parent's Mouth
I think I can condense some of those ideas into some specific examples of the girl's that have come through the program, things that they have had to go through (that you are going through, or will go through), and how to try and make it work for your daughter.
Rewind...
Living (AAU) Life Backwards...
I think the best way for you, the parent, to understand why some things happen the way they do, and how best to handle a certain situation is to live the AAU life backwards.
In life, people always say that if they knew then what they know now, their life might have been a little different. If your daughter plays competitive basketball as she grows up, then AAU, as some of you know, reflects life.
It is hard for a parent of a twelve year old to understand that a decision they make at that age, could lead to a certain outcome when their daughter reaches seventeen. Again, hopefully, this page will give you some insight as to handling issues, concerns, and questions, living the AAU Life backwards while you are living the AAU Life forwards.
I will point out that if you look at our "Hall of Fame" page, at the six former players who are inducted, each of them had little or no success at their early ages in AAU. Wins were few and far between, and many of those times, their losses were by large margins. However, they kept on getting better, by looking for individual work, and not worrying about winning. That came from their parents, who understood the marathon that is life in AAU Basketball.
Be careful on the decisions you make, and if you base around wins and losses of your daughter's team, you make regret those decisions in the end...
I think the best way for you, the parent, to understand why some things happen the way they do, and how best to handle a certain situation is to live the AAU life backwards.
In life, people always say that if they knew then what they know now, their life might have been a little different. If your daughter plays competitive basketball as she grows up, then AAU, as some of you know, reflects life.
It is hard for a parent of a twelve year old to understand that a decision they make at that age, could lead to a certain outcome when their daughter reaches seventeen. Again, hopefully, this page will give you some insight as to handling issues, concerns, and questions, living the AAU Life backwards while you are living the AAU Life forwards.
I will point out that if you look at our "Hall of Fame" page, at the six former players who are inducted, each of them had little or no success at their early ages in AAU. Wins were few and far between, and many of those times, their losses were by large margins. However, they kept on getting better, by looking for individual work, and not worrying about winning. That came from their parents, who understood the marathon that is life in AAU Basketball.
Be careful on the decisions you make, and if you base around wins and losses of your daughter's team, you make regret those decisions in the end...
Reasons For Frustration...
Typical Reasons For Parent Frustration...
Stems from high expectations at the younger age groups, comparing your daughter to another player their age or starting AAU late with an older age group.
Teams that have too much success at younger age groups leads to unreasonable expectations (read Founder's Philosophy Page) in the upcoming years.
Individuals who start / play for the first time, AAU, after others their age have become "seasoned" players, is another reason.
In our program, we have had so much success on the team and individual basis that the new trend seems to be we have some "sparkling dust" that we sprinkle on kids that allows them to win every game, and get a scholarship to the college of their choice, all in the shortest amount of time. This is NOT "Microwave Basketball". All of our successful players have had to work...hard, and often, and nothing came easy. The day you start thinking that reaching your "dream" is going to be easy, is the day that someone needs to say "Uh oh"...
Comparing players is a no-no, as each player is different, and trying to make someone into something they are not leads to trouble down the road. Give your daughter the opportunities to get better, as many times as possible, and quit worrying about things you cannot control (others). I have seen talented kids not reach their dreams, because their parents were too concerned spending their energy on what that "other" was doing or getting.
All of our successful players all have had their struggles, but all have stuck with the program through the tough times. Now we sit back and laugh at all of those "tough" times, and realize that it just made our commited players stronger.
Keep these points in mind, when you get frustrated, and step back and revisit what your daughter is playing AAU for...
Stems from high expectations at the younger age groups, comparing your daughter to another player their age or starting AAU late with an older age group.
Teams that have too much success at younger age groups leads to unreasonable expectations (read Founder's Philosophy Page) in the upcoming years.
Individuals who start / play for the first time, AAU, after others their age have become "seasoned" players, is another reason.
In our program, we have had so much success on the team and individual basis that the new trend seems to be we have some "sparkling dust" that we sprinkle on kids that allows them to win every game, and get a scholarship to the college of their choice, all in the shortest amount of time. This is NOT "Microwave Basketball". All of our successful players have had to work...hard, and often, and nothing came easy. The day you start thinking that reaching your "dream" is going to be easy, is the day that someone needs to say "Uh oh"...
Comparing players is a no-no, as each player is different, and trying to make someone into something they are not leads to trouble down the road. Give your daughter the opportunities to get better, as many times as possible, and quit worrying about things you cannot control (others). I have seen talented kids not reach their dreams, because their parents were too concerned spending their energy on what that "other" was doing or getting.
All of our successful players all have had their struggles, but all have stuck with the program through the tough times. Now we sit back and laugh at all of those "tough" times, and realize that it just made our commited players stronger.
Keep these points in mind, when you get frustrated, and step back and revisit what your daughter is playing AAU for...
Around Ages 16, 17, 18...
Your daughter should be seriously looking into where she is planning on going to college. If your daughter is good enough, she will play basketball in college, somewhere at some level. She does not need a certain AAU or Club or High School Program to attain that goal.
However, again, one of the purposes of this page is to see how your daughter can reach that "Big Division I" (aka BD1) level that is everyone's dream when they start playing basketball.
The worse thing to hear, from a director's standpoint, is hearing folks, when their daughters are 16,17,18 say "I messed up and listened to the wrong people when my daughter was younger".
The girls from our AAU program that have received scholarships to the Duke's, Maryland's, State's, etc...all had a thousand voices bending their ears. They had the hundreds of folks giving them their opinions on what these girls should be doing, where they should be playing at, and what they can and can't do at this age (16,17,18).
By the time these girls reached this age, they have broken away from their original AAU Team at 9,10,11,12,13. These girls did not break away by choice, their perseverance and their focus, their drive and their determination, is what separated them from the crowd. Now, at this age, they are in position to get that scholarship to the BD1 that everyone else wanted, but didn't go about it the right way.
In some cases, these BD1 girls were left behind when they were younger. Left behind? I don't mean that from a skill's standpoint, but, instead, from the fact that some parents didn't accept this kid because she didn't always want to "hang out" with their daughters, so thus she was left out or left behind. You'll read about that below.
Their parents didn't buy into the "follow the crowd" mentality as you will read about below, as well, in the 12-13 age group section. Instead, they saw that they didn't need to "reinvent the wheel" or "rock the boat". What it came down to was that the right foundation was built at the younger ages, the right decisions were made in the middle years, and now the doors are open at this age.
However, again, one of the purposes of this page is to see how your daughter can reach that "Big Division I" (aka BD1) level that is everyone's dream when they start playing basketball.
The worse thing to hear, from a director's standpoint, is hearing folks, when their daughters are 16,17,18 say "I messed up and listened to the wrong people when my daughter was younger".
The girls from our AAU program that have received scholarships to the Duke's, Maryland's, State's, etc...all had a thousand voices bending their ears. They had the hundreds of folks giving them their opinions on what these girls should be doing, where they should be playing at, and what they can and can't do at this age (16,17,18).
By the time these girls reached this age, they have broken away from their original AAU Team at 9,10,11,12,13. These girls did not break away by choice, their perseverance and their focus, their drive and their determination, is what separated them from the crowd. Now, at this age, they are in position to get that scholarship to the BD1 that everyone else wanted, but didn't go about it the right way.
In some cases, these BD1 girls were left behind when they were younger. Left behind? I don't mean that from a skill's standpoint, but, instead, from the fact that some parents didn't accept this kid because she didn't always want to "hang out" with their daughters, so thus she was left out or left behind. You'll read about that below.
Their parents didn't buy into the "follow the crowd" mentality as you will read about below, as well, in the 12-13 age group section. Instead, they saw that they didn't need to "reinvent the wheel" or "rock the boat". What it came down to was that the right foundation was built at the younger ages, the right decisions were made in the middle years, and now the doors are open at this age.
What To Be On The Lookout For...
So, as a parent, what should I be on the look out for at this age, assuming my daughter has put in the proper work in her younger age groups? Are there any specific situations that will come up, or issues that I need to handle? The answer is: YES. The situation / issue of "not resting on her laurels", the issue of outsiders (and even your so-called friends) telling you or others that "she is not that good to play at that next level", and the issue of "finishing the job".
Your daughter has now made it through most of the AAU Jungle by age sixteen. She has stayed true to her belief that hard work and patience would get her to this point. She has received many honors, pushed pass many, if not all, of her peers, and started to receive those BD1 offers. The thing you have to be careful of is to make sure she doesn't start to relax (ie "rest on her laurels). It is easy to say "Finally, I made it", but as the old saying goes "You never have arrived". As tough as it was to get in this desired position, it is just as easy, if not easier, to lose it. As a parent, make sure that she continues to stay focused (academically as well) when the praise starts being heaped upon her. Keep her grounded, and almost as important, keep yourself grounded.
On the flip side of the praise are the ones who will begin saying "She is not that good, I just don't see it / my daughter is as good as theirs, I don't see how she got this offer (scholarship)". The best way to respond is with no response at all. It is a pointless argument. (-Reference: "My Thoughts on Message Boards", under "Founder's Philosophy" on this site.) You, as the parent, didn't offer your daughter the scholarship, and the person, or persons, doing the criticizing didn't offer the scholarship either. It was the coach of that university or college that did so, and they, in the end are the final decision-makers. If your daughter's critics want to argue about this, tell them to call that college coach and argue, because they are the ones making the offers, not you. The other way to look at is "You know what, the critics are right, she is not that good", but you make sure to add at the end of that sentence "right now". A Junior or Senior in High School or one playing 16,17,18 AAU / Club Basketball, is typically not going to be better than a player on a BD1 Team right now. It is unrealistic to think that a high schooler is going to better than a seasoned college player, right now. They are not going to be as strong physically for one thing, and they are not going to know all the ideas of the system that they will soon be a part of. So, in that way, those critics are right; just maybe not in the way they wanted to be.
That leads to the last situation of "Finishing". Finishing the job = getting the scholarship. As a parent, make sure to ask the proper questions to the college coaches offering your child the opportunity, and to the folks representing your daughter in the recruiting process. You probably are asking right now, "What are the proper questions"? Reference the "292 - Travel Team, Skills, and More..." page to start laying some of that groundwork. When you start asking the college coaches these questions, you may not hear all of the time what you want to hear. If that is the case, then that is exactly what you needed to hear to start making informed decisions. Make sure that you are active in your daughter's college recruiting process, make sure that all of her required High School and NCAA Academic Requirements are taken care of, and make sure that she continues to get better on the court.
You are getting close to an exciting time for your daughter and your family...
Your daughter has now made it through most of the AAU Jungle by age sixteen. She has stayed true to her belief that hard work and patience would get her to this point. She has received many honors, pushed pass many, if not all, of her peers, and started to receive those BD1 offers. The thing you have to be careful of is to make sure she doesn't start to relax (ie "rest on her laurels). It is easy to say "Finally, I made it", but as the old saying goes "You never have arrived". As tough as it was to get in this desired position, it is just as easy, if not easier, to lose it. As a parent, make sure that she continues to stay focused (academically as well) when the praise starts being heaped upon her. Keep her grounded, and almost as important, keep yourself grounded.
On the flip side of the praise are the ones who will begin saying "She is not that good, I just don't see it / my daughter is as good as theirs, I don't see how she got this offer (scholarship)". The best way to respond is with no response at all. It is a pointless argument. (-Reference: "My Thoughts on Message Boards", under "Founder's Philosophy" on this site.) You, as the parent, didn't offer your daughter the scholarship, and the person, or persons, doing the criticizing didn't offer the scholarship either. It was the coach of that university or college that did so, and they, in the end are the final decision-makers. If your daughter's critics want to argue about this, tell them to call that college coach and argue, because they are the ones making the offers, not you. The other way to look at is "You know what, the critics are right, she is not that good", but you make sure to add at the end of that sentence "right now". A Junior or Senior in High School or one playing 16,17,18 AAU / Club Basketball, is typically not going to be better than a player on a BD1 Team right now. It is unrealistic to think that a high schooler is going to better than a seasoned college player, right now. They are not going to be as strong physically for one thing, and they are not going to know all the ideas of the system that they will soon be a part of. So, in that way, those critics are right; just maybe not in the way they wanted to be.
That leads to the last situation of "Finishing". Finishing the job = getting the scholarship. As a parent, make sure to ask the proper questions to the college coaches offering your child the opportunity, and to the folks representing your daughter in the recruiting process. You probably are asking right now, "What are the proper questions"? Reference the "292 - Travel Team, Skills, and More..." page to start laying some of that groundwork. When you start asking the college coaches these questions, you may not hear all of the time what you want to hear. If that is the case, then that is exactly what you needed to hear to start making informed decisions. Make sure that you are active in your daughter's college recruiting process, make sure that all of her required High School and NCAA Academic Requirements are taken care of, and make sure that she continues to get better on the court.
You are getting close to an exciting time for your daughter and your family...
Changing The Thought Process At 14, 15...
By this age group, your daughter should have played in a couple of college recruiting showcase events. By playing in these, she will be able to accomplish a few things:
1) Understands where she stands against some of the better competition across the country.
2) Understands that she needs to continue to work, and get better.
3) What it is like to push the "win the game" out of her mind, as that is no longer the main focus.
4) Realize what it feels like to be knocked down, and pushed around by older players.
5) Start to see that "Hey, I can play with these girls".
It is really hard as a parent to change your AAU way of thinking. In my opinion, it is a special quality for a parent to have. You are coming off the 12-13 age groups where you finally understand what AAU is about. You probably have beeen through the tough and intense competition at Nationals and now you are being asked to switch mindsets quickly.
Your daughter is playing in front of college coaches, who are evaluating her every move on and off the court.
At AAU Nationals, she may have gotten away with making faces when things didn't go her way, or walking up and down the court (called "taking breaks") when she missed a layup, or turned the ball over (discussed at the 8-12 age groups below). At College Recruiting Showcase Events, she can't, and won't get away with it. The college recruiters have too keen an eye to overlook that, and they know exactly what they want to see out of your daughter, to see if she can fit their program. (Reference: "Things College Coaches Don't Like To Hear (or see)", under "Founder's Philosophy".)
As a parent, you have to train yourself and your daughter to get out of the winning the game mode, as there are "Bigger Things Going On" at these events than that. Yes, you want to win, everyone wants to win, and you are going to still cheer (as a parent), play (as a competitor), and coach to win, but you have to have the "Bigger Things Going On" sitting always in the back of your mind.
Separation. Kids and parents start to separate themselves around the age of fourteen. If your daughter leaves a college recruiting event wanting to get better, then she is probably on track to making her future dream come true. Of course, there is a lot to do in between the present and the future dream, but that is a start. If your daughter leaves a recruiting event, with a bruise here or there from being knocked down by an older or stronger kid, but still has that fire in her that she can't wait for the next event, you have a good candidate for a BD1 player.
The separation part is the ego. Yeah, she may have a bruise on her leg, but it sometimes doesn't hurt to get a bruised ego from one of these events either. Again, from the past players that we have had in our program, that have gone onto BD1 programs, they have all had their ego bruised at these events. As a matter of fact, I can't remember a case where someone from our program has not had their ego bruised at one time or another in a college recruiting showcase.
It is here where you see who can put that bruised ego aside, and starts to say "You got me this time, but I am going to be ready the next time" (Reference: "Soul of a Champion", under "Founder's Philosophy".). Those are the kids that are going to give themselves a chance down the road. It takes the parents thinking this way too though to really make it work. If the parents leave a 40 point loss at a recruiting event saying "We aren't going to do that (play in a college recruiting event) again", then the seed has already been planted for the BD1 Dream to not happen. If the parents leave a 40 point win at a recruiting event saying "That scholarship is in the bag now that we won by so much", then, again, the seed has been planted for not reaching the BD1 Dream.
Do you, as a parent, really think that a school won't take your daughter because her team lost by 40 points in a showcase event? If so, then why do you think she is in good shape because they won by 40 in that same event? What you are saying is that everyone on your daughter's team is going to be offered a scholarship because they won by 40. Of course not. That is why, you have to change your mindset about placing too much emphasis on winning and losing at these events. If your daughter can play, they'll come watch her; but if she is too mentally drained because she thinks she is failing because the team is not winning, she won't be attracting the attention she wants, and in most cases, deserves.
As of October 2006, the girls that have received the BD1 Scholarship have had to "Change Their Way of Thinking". Has their competitive fire been extinguished? No. Actually, the fire is hotter than ever. Why or how? Simply because they took the groundwork (from ages 8-12), started making headway (ages 12-13), and then changed their mindset (ages14-15). They all then understood, along with their parents, that they were trying to win every aspect of the game (that one rebound, that one loose ball, that one defensive stand). They understood that they were competing against themseleves, and their opponent who wants that same scholarship, and not the scoreboard. When they get this TRUE UNDERSTANDING, they usually end up winning the game at hand as well. However, it takes awhile sometimes for that to work (Reference "Being Patient"; under "Straight from the Parent's Mouth"), and sometimes only 1-2 players (and their parents) really, really get it over time.
That is why it is so hard to get that precious scholarship to the BD1 school. The parent has to have that mindset too, and most of the time, the parent is the last one to "get it", if they ever "get it"...
Changing the mindset is the key... An ability to do this begins the separation process.
At the 14/15 age you also have to be conscious of her wanting to take time off from the game. Everyone needs a break now and then, to avoid getting burned out. However, you cannot let her just put the basketball down altogether for 3-4 months and then expect her to be at the same level she was when she stopped playing.
There is a difference between taking a break, and taking a break. She may be playing a school sport (volleyball, soccer, tennis, etc...), which should be first priority. She still should try to find an hour or two during the week to continue to work on her basketball game, again if she wants to play at a BD1 level.
Taking an overextended break, and then trying to comeback at the same level, at this age, is hard to do. You have to remember that her social life is expanding, driver's licenses are creeping in, and school work gets a little more time-consuming. This is a time, when you as a parent, need to see if this dream is real. If so, she'll want to continue to work on her game, and she'll find time to work on her game. As a parent, if she asks you to take her to the gym, or shoot ball with her outside, do so, as there are hundreds of other options for her now, many of which are not good for her basketball development.
The winners coming off of the court aren't always the ones who won the game. - Anonymous
1) Understands where she stands against some of the better competition across the country.
2) Understands that she needs to continue to work, and get better.
3) What it is like to push the "win the game" out of her mind, as that is no longer the main focus.
4) Realize what it feels like to be knocked down, and pushed around by older players.
5) Start to see that "Hey, I can play with these girls".
It is really hard as a parent to change your AAU way of thinking. In my opinion, it is a special quality for a parent to have. You are coming off the 12-13 age groups where you finally understand what AAU is about. You probably have beeen through the tough and intense competition at Nationals and now you are being asked to switch mindsets quickly.
Your daughter is playing in front of college coaches, who are evaluating her every move on and off the court.
At AAU Nationals, she may have gotten away with making faces when things didn't go her way, or walking up and down the court (called "taking breaks") when she missed a layup, or turned the ball over (discussed at the 8-12 age groups below). At College Recruiting Showcase Events, she can't, and won't get away with it. The college recruiters have too keen an eye to overlook that, and they know exactly what they want to see out of your daughter, to see if she can fit their program. (Reference: "Things College Coaches Don't Like To Hear (or see)", under "Founder's Philosophy".)
As a parent, you have to train yourself and your daughter to get out of the winning the game mode, as there are "Bigger Things Going On" at these events than that. Yes, you want to win, everyone wants to win, and you are going to still cheer (as a parent), play (as a competitor), and coach to win, but you have to have the "Bigger Things Going On" sitting always in the back of your mind.
Separation. Kids and parents start to separate themselves around the age of fourteen. If your daughter leaves a college recruiting event wanting to get better, then she is probably on track to making her future dream come true. Of course, there is a lot to do in between the present and the future dream, but that is a start. If your daughter leaves a recruiting event, with a bruise here or there from being knocked down by an older or stronger kid, but still has that fire in her that she can't wait for the next event, you have a good candidate for a BD1 player.
The separation part is the ego. Yeah, she may have a bruise on her leg, but it sometimes doesn't hurt to get a bruised ego from one of these events either. Again, from the past players that we have had in our program, that have gone onto BD1 programs, they have all had their ego bruised at these events. As a matter of fact, I can't remember a case where someone from our program has not had their ego bruised at one time or another in a college recruiting showcase.
It is here where you see who can put that bruised ego aside, and starts to say "You got me this time, but I am going to be ready the next time" (Reference: "Soul of a Champion", under "Founder's Philosophy".). Those are the kids that are going to give themselves a chance down the road. It takes the parents thinking this way too though to really make it work. If the parents leave a 40 point loss at a recruiting event saying "We aren't going to do that (play in a college recruiting event) again", then the seed has already been planted for the BD1 Dream to not happen. If the parents leave a 40 point win at a recruiting event saying "That scholarship is in the bag now that we won by so much", then, again, the seed has been planted for not reaching the BD1 Dream.
Do you, as a parent, really think that a school won't take your daughter because her team lost by 40 points in a showcase event? If so, then why do you think she is in good shape because they won by 40 in that same event? What you are saying is that everyone on your daughter's team is going to be offered a scholarship because they won by 40. Of course not. That is why, you have to change your mindset about placing too much emphasis on winning and losing at these events. If your daughter can play, they'll come watch her; but if she is too mentally drained because she thinks she is failing because the team is not winning, she won't be attracting the attention she wants, and in most cases, deserves.
As of October 2006, the girls that have received the BD1 Scholarship have had to "Change Their Way of Thinking". Has their competitive fire been extinguished? No. Actually, the fire is hotter than ever. Why or how? Simply because they took the groundwork (from ages 8-12), started making headway (ages 12-13), and then changed their mindset (ages14-15). They all then understood, along with their parents, that they were trying to win every aspect of the game (that one rebound, that one loose ball, that one defensive stand). They understood that they were competing against themseleves, and their opponent who wants that same scholarship, and not the scoreboard. When they get this TRUE UNDERSTANDING, they usually end up winning the game at hand as well. However, it takes awhile sometimes for that to work (Reference "Being Patient"; under "Straight from the Parent's Mouth"), and sometimes only 1-2 players (and their parents) really, really get it over time.
That is why it is so hard to get that precious scholarship to the BD1 school. The parent has to have that mindset too, and most of the time, the parent is the last one to "get it", if they ever "get it"...
Changing the mindset is the key... An ability to do this begins the separation process.
At the 14/15 age you also have to be conscious of her wanting to take time off from the game. Everyone needs a break now and then, to avoid getting burned out. However, you cannot let her just put the basketball down altogether for 3-4 months and then expect her to be at the same level she was when she stopped playing.
There is a difference between taking a break, and taking a break. She may be playing a school sport (volleyball, soccer, tennis, etc...), which should be first priority. She still should try to find an hour or two during the week to continue to work on her basketball game, again if she wants to play at a BD1 level.
Taking an overextended break, and then trying to comeback at the same level, at this age, is hard to do. You have to remember that her social life is expanding, driver's licenses are creeping in, and school work gets a little more time-consuming. This is a time, when you as a parent, need to see if this dream is real. If so, she'll want to continue to work on her game, and she'll find time to work on her game. As a parent, if she asks you to take her to the gym, or shoot ball with her outside, do so, as there are hundreds of other options for her now, many of which are not good for her basketball development.
The winners coming off of the court aren't always the ones who won the game. - Anonymous
12 & 13 National Championship vs. Continuing To Develop While All Along...
Keeping your eyes and ears open, and your wits about you. At the 12 & 13 age groups, you have now figured out AAU. Either your team is a strong contender at the DI Nationals each year, knocking at the door of the Top 10 Nationally each year, an ever-improving DII National Team, or a team hoping to qualify for either national tournament (DI / DII). Regardless, keeping your wits about you is important.
This is the age group where we start to see parents losing their minds, because they are too wrapped up in or obsessed with winning an AAU National Title. Only ONE team NATIONALLY will do that, yet everyone thinks that their team is that one team.
What gets lost in the National Championship Glare is the need to continue to develop. Again, it is here where another separation step between the potential BD1 player and the player who maybe has a lot more talent, but won't go BD1 because of the "GLARE". There is truly nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with trying to win an AAU National Championship. As stated above, you should try to win, and it is hard to keep a competitive drive at neutral when you are playing against some other team.
However, you can't get so wrapped up in that, that you ignore the fact of improving each day is crucial to future success at 16-17-18. Many times when your child reaches 14-15, that will be the colleges first opportunity to evaluate them at an event. You don't want the coaches saying, when they are 16,17,18 that "She hasn't gotten any better since she was 14".
That is why, if you can instill in your child's head at 12 and 13 to keep working at her game on the side, they will build that work ethic foundation for later in their teenage years. Let them still go after that goal of trying to win a National Title, because at 12 and 13 it is hard for them, the player(s), to understand that they are building to something bigger and better down the road. They, the player(s), see the The Big GOLD Ball and all of the medals, and Sweet 16 T-Shirts, and what not...
You, as a parent see that too, and should want that for your child, but... you have to understand that age 16 is coming soon too.
If you think that is difficult to do, read the next post below, about the jealousy, the back-stabbing, the undermining, the team break-ups, and the sad part of AAU, as you try to push through....
This is the age group where we start to see parents losing their minds, because they are too wrapped up in or obsessed with winning an AAU National Title. Only ONE team NATIONALLY will do that, yet everyone thinks that their team is that one team.
What gets lost in the National Championship Glare is the need to continue to develop. Again, it is here where another separation step between the potential BD1 player and the player who maybe has a lot more talent, but won't go BD1 because of the "GLARE". There is truly nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with trying to win an AAU National Championship. As stated above, you should try to win, and it is hard to keep a competitive drive at neutral when you are playing against some other team.
However, you can't get so wrapped up in that, that you ignore the fact of improving each day is crucial to future success at 16-17-18. Many times when your child reaches 14-15, that will be the colleges first opportunity to evaluate them at an event. You don't want the coaches saying, when they are 16,17,18 that "She hasn't gotten any better since she was 14".
That is why, if you can instill in your child's head at 12 and 13 to keep working at her game on the side, they will build that work ethic foundation for later in their teenage years. Let them still go after that goal of trying to win a National Title, because at 12 and 13 it is hard for them, the player(s), to understand that they are building to something bigger and better down the road. They, the player(s), see the The Big GOLD Ball and all of the medals, and Sweet 16 T-Shirts, and what not...
You, as a parent see that too, and should want that for your child, but... you have to understand that age 16 is coming soon too.
If you think that is difficult to do, read the next post below, about the jealousy, the back-stabbing, the undermining, the team break-ups, and the sad part of AAU, as you try to push through....
Your "Friends" Rare Their Ugly Heads
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.
-- George Bernard Shaw, "Mrs. Warren's Profession" (1893) act II
They always talk who never think.
-- Matthew Prior
Like clockwork, either after the age of 12 or after the age of 13, there is that one parent that thinks his or her daughter is not getting enough playing time. That parent is the one that feels like the program is not being fair to his or her daughter because at age 9, 10, 11, everyone was fairly equal.
Instead of making sure that his or her daughter worked on the side at improving her game, they believed that her AAU Team would stay together all the way through until 18, which will never happen (maybe the core of the team will stay, if the team is lucky). However, the stakes are getting a little higher, and others around her have gotten better so now that girl is the odd one out.
Again, instead of pointing the finger at themselves, they feel like it is everyone else's fault, and thus, the game begins.
Typically, it begins with the email that they aren't being treated fairly, and usually ends with them either cutting a deal with another program to bring their daughter and some of her teammates to that new team. If that doesn't work, then the parent will try and start their own team, and start calling around to his or her daughter's teammates trying to convince them of the GREATthings that this new team will bring.
This is where the parent who wants their kid to have a shot at the BD1 program usually comes to their senses, while everyone around them starts losing theirs.
If you go back to the first quotation in this particular post, it, like most everything in this world, can be interpreted many ways. Usually, the parent who has a BD1 kid would read that statement as "I need to make sure that my kid is advancing in her game, and that she has the resources surrounding her to continue to advance to that next level. "If she isn't getting that, and I have done all that I can do up to this point in her life, then I need to find something or someone to allow her to continue to grow".
If you consider yourself that type of parent, you usually will find a place for your child without the blessings of your friends on your current team. Meaning, you won't be that parent calling around trying to get others to "team up" with you for your "cause". You are going about your business, and you are confident that you are making the right decision for your child. You have done your homework on what you think is going to be the best for your daughter, and won't get into all of conspiring going around you on your team. Basically, you are not looking for approval from your daughter's teammates parents. You are just going to do what you need to do to help your daughter.
When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right.
-- Albert Guinon
However, your daughter will now be the "key" to the other parents who are interpreting that first quotation in another way. Again, remember, those others parents may be "losing it", but really, it is just the first sign of desperation. Your daughter has quietly done her work on the side to get better, away from the team, and now is ready to move on. The others don't like the fact that she is starting to break away, and then a lot of the talk starts. This is where the jealousy starts, this is where many of your "friends" rear their ugly head. This is probably the hardest year or two for the BD1 player and their parents.
The ones that really "get it", the ones that really understand what is going on, usually make it through this time in position for the exciting years to come. The ones that kind of "get it" stay confused a little longer, because they cannot believe people are acting the way they are, when in reality, this is what happens in everyday life, not just in the world of AAU Basketball. Those are the ones that have kids that could be BD1 players, but just cannot quite see or believe what is going on around them. Then there are the ones that really "get it" from the other side, who need to cause the commotion and confusion to help their daughter out. They know that their kid won't be a BD1 kid in reality (either because the time wasn't put it or their ego wouldn't allow them to let their daughters grow on their own time) and will try everything possible to make sure that yours isn't either.
Reference this link and see if you think these folks "get it": What a Mess.
If you can get through these years, again, you are on your way to your dream...
-- George Bernard Shaw, "Mrs. Warren's Profession" (1893) act II
They always talk who never think.
-- Matthew Prior
Like clockwork, either after the age of 12 or after the age of 13, there is that one parent that thinks his or her daughter is not getting enough playing time. That parent is the one that feels like the program is not being fair to his or her daughter because at age 9, 10, 11, everyone was fairly equal.
Instead of making sure that his or her daughter worked on the side at improving her game, they believed that her AAU Team would stay together all the way through until 18, which will never happen (maybe the core of the team will stay, if the team is lucky). However, the stakes are getting a little higher, and others around her have gotten better so now that girl is the odd one out.
Again, instead of pointing the finger at themselves, they feel like it is everyone else's fault, and thus, the game begins.
Typically, it begins with the email that they aren't being treated fairly, and usually ends with them either cutting a deal with another program to bring their daughter and some of her teammates to that new team. If that doesn't work, then the parent will try and start their own team, and start calling around to his or her daughter's teammates trying to convince them of the GREATthings that this new team will bring.
This is where the parent who wants their kid to have a shot at the BD1 program usually comes to their senses, while everyone around them starts losing theirs.
If you go back to the first quotation in this particular post, it, like most everything in this world, can be interpreted many ways. Usually, the parent who has a BD1 kid would read that statement as "I need to make sure that my kid is advancing in her game, and that she has the resources surrounding her to continue to advance to that next level. "If she isn't getting that, and I have done all that I can do up to this point in her life, then I need to find something or someone to allow her to continue to grow".
If you consider yourself that type of parent, you usually will find a place for your child without the blessings of your friends on your current team. Meaning, you won't be that parent calling around trying to get others to "team up" with you for your "cause". You are going about your business, and you are confident that you are making the right decision for your child. You have done your homework on what you think is going to be the best for your daughter, and won't get into all of conspiring going around you on your team. Basically, you are not looking for approval from your daughter's teammates parents. You are just going to do what you need to do to help your daughter.
When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right.
-- Albert Guinon
However, your daughter will now be the "key" to the other parents who are interpreting that first quotation in another way. Again, remember, those others parents may be "losing it", but really, it is just the first sign of desperation. Your daughter has quietly done her work on the side to get better, away from the team, and now is ready to move on. The others don't like the fact that she is starting to break away, and then a lot of the talk starts. This is where the jealousy starts, this is where many of your "friends" rear their ugly head. This is probably the hardest year or two for the BD1 player and their parents.
The ones that really "get it", the ones that really understand what is going on, usually make it through this time in position for the exciting years to come. The ones that kind of "get it" stay confused a little longer, because they cannot believe people are acting the way they are, when in reality, this is what happens in everyday life, not just in the world of AAU Basketball. Those are the ones that have kids that could be BD1 players, but just cannot quite see or believe what is going on around them. Then there are the ones that really "get it" from the other side, who need to cause the commotion and confusion to help their daughter out. They know that their kid won't be a BD1 kid in reality (either because the time wasn't put it or their ego wouldn't allow them to let their daughters grow on their own time) and will try everything possible to make sure that yours isn't either.
Reference this link and see if you think these folks "get it": What a Mess.
If you can get through these years, again, you are on your way to your dream...
Letting Them Grow...10, 11 Ages...
At the 10,11 age groups, you may be jumping into AAU for the first time. It can be overwhelming at first, and it can be blinding as well. It should be a learning experience, if anything.
The best advice at these two age groups is to let your child grow: physically, mentally, and socially.
It is much more rare to see a player playing up an age at this age and excelling. However, this is the age where parents say: "My daughter needs a challenge, and I want her to play up an age". Be careful to not compare your daughter to others. Your daughter needs to be herself, and you need to let them be herself. Playing up in a YMCA League or a recreation league with some kids that play AAU too, is not the same as playing up in AAU. Yes, your daughter wants to be with her friends that may be playing on an older team, but she'll learn to make new friends on a team her own age. (Reference: "Straight From The Parent's Mouth".)
The Key Is To Ask Questions.
1) Ask the parent whose daughter is playing up "How long has she played AAU Basketball"? You will probably find out that they have been playing for 2-3 years on a very competitive team.
2) Ask the coach "What are the pros and cons of playing my daughter up in AAU"? The answers you get may not be the answers you want. You can't get mad at someone for being honest, as you asked the question. Be open to their opinions and be very, very honest with yourself about where your daughter is right now.
You need to remember that playing up is not going to necessarily give your daughter an advantage. She needs time to develop. Yes, there are those cases where there are kids that are blessed with unbelievable talent and skill, and at a young age can handle playing up. You will then think that your daughter is already behind, and the remedy is to play her up. That, in most cases, will damage her growth, and hurt the future dream (at age 13,14) of positioning to play at a BD1 Level.
If your daughter is playing up, and she has some of that "awesome" talent and skill, that does not excuse her from having to work on her game. Going from age 10 to age 18 is a marathon not a sprint. It is not who jumps out of the box at 10 or 11 and blows the doors off of the field that has the advantage. It is the one that is playing exactly where she needs to be that allows for her to be successful (meaning where she can grow, and develop in all phases of her beginning years as a basketball player).
What about the winning and the losing? What if my daughter's team doesn't win a lot when they are 10 and 11? Should I move her to a team that wins all of the time at this age?
The best answer, from my standpoint as a director, is for you to go to the "Founder's Philopsophy" page on this site and read about "Winning early vs. Winning Late" and other similar posts on that page. Your only true questions that should be asked is "Is my daughter learning the game, developing some skills, having fun, making new friends, improving daily, and enjoying practice". Winning is a bonus at this age. You want her coach to teach her team how to win, and how to get better, and how to be good sports.
Our Young Coaches...
Also, please read our "Why are our coaches so young"? post on the "Founder's Philosophy Page.
I believe that our program is helping build the future of young, female coaches in the women's game.
Many people, sometimes our own, criticize us for having teenage coaches, especially at the younger age groups.
I believe it is important to break in new coaches to this competitive level. It really doesn't matter what the coach's age is, when it comes to the result of the game. The coach is going to be under the microscope if they lose, if the expectations were higher going in.
As a parent in our program, you need to be careful about criticizing our younger coaches. One day, those younger coaches will get older, and they won't forget the good or the bad things you said to or about them when your daughter is this age.
Again, you can't have it both ways... It is ok if she is young as long as we win. However, if we lose, I am going to let everyone know...
If you make a mistake and jump ship because you are looking for a quick fix, go for it. However, we are not, and will never be a quick fix organization.
It takes time (Time = years) with us, and those who stick through, always see the benefits in the end.
Our young coaches understand what needs to be done for our future players to be successful.
Don't get caught in the "I can't believe that young girl is coaching my daughter's team" syndrome.
Trust what is going on, and in the end, you'll see why everything is happening the way it is...
This age group is about developing good habits, making friends, and learning the game... who better to teach that then one of our own who has recently lived what their team is currently doing.
Read this page over and over and over... This is like clockwork, different team, different year, same things year after year...
Yours for Better Basketball Always...
Coach Robinson:)
The best advice at these two age groups is to let your child grow: physically, mentally, and socially.
It is much more rare to see a player playing up an age at this age and excelling. However, this is the age where parents say: "My daughter needs a challenge, and I want her to play up an age". Be careful to not compare your daughter to others. Your daughter needs to be herself, and you need to let them be herself. Playing up in a YMCA League or a recreation league with some kids that play AAU too, is not the same as playing up in AAU. Yes, your daughter wants to be with her friends that may be playing on an older team, but she'll learn to make new friends on a team her own age. (Reference: "Straight From The Parent's Mouth".)
The Key Is To Ask Questions.
1) Ask the parent whose daughter is playing up "How long has she played AAU Basketball"? You will probably find out that they have been playing for 2-3 years on a very competitive team.
2) Ask the coach "What are the pros and cons of playing my daughter up in AAU"? The answers you get may not be the answers you want. You can't get mad at someone for being honest, as you asked the question. Be open to their opinions and be very, very honest with yourself about where your daughter is right now.
You need to remember that playing up is not going to necessarily give your daughter an advantage. She needs time to develop. Yes, there are those cases where there are kids that are blessed with unbelievable talent and skill, and at a young age can handle playing up. You will then think that your daughter is already behind, and the remedy is to play her up. That, in most cases, will damage her growth, and hurt the future dream (at age 13,14) of positioning to play at a BD1 Level.
If your daughter is playing up, and she has some of that "awesome" talent and skill, that does not excuse her from having to work on her game. Going from age 10 to age 18 is a marathon not a sprint. It is not who jumps out of the box at 10 or 11 and blows the doors off of the field that has the advantage. It is the one that is playing exactly where she needs to be that allows for her to be successful (meaning where she can grow, and develop in all phases of her beginning years as a basketball player).
What about the winning and the losing? What if my daughter's team doesn't win a lot when they are 10 and 11? Should I move her to a team that wins all of the time at this age?
The best answer, from my standpoint as a director, is for you to go to the "Founder's Philopsophy" page on this site and read about "Winning early vs. Winning Late" and other similar posts on that page. Your only true questions that should be asked is "Is my daughter learning the game, developing some skills, having fun, making new friends, improving daily, and enjoying practice". Winning is a bonus at this age. You want her coach to teach her team how to win, and how to get better, and how to be good sports.
Our Young Coaches...
Also, please read our "Why are our coaches so young"? post on the "Founder's Philosophy Page.
I believe that our program is helping build the future of young, female coaches in the women's game.
Many people, sometimes our own, criticize us for having teenage coaches, especially at the younger age groups.
I believe it is important to break in new coaches to this competitive level. It really doesn't matter what the coach's age is, when it comes to the result of the game. The coach is going to be under the microscope if they lose, if the expectations were higher going in.
As a parent in our program, you need to be careful about criticizing our younger coaches. One day, those younger coaches will get older, and they won't forget the good or the bad things you said to or about them when your daughter is this age.
Again, you can't have it both ways... It is ok if she is young as long as we win. However, if we lose, I am going to let everyone know...
If you make a mistake and jump ship because you are looking for a quick fix, go for it. However, we are not, and will never be a quick fix organization.
It takes time (Time = years) with us, and those who stick through, always see the benefits in the end.
Our young coaches understand what needs to be done for our future players to be successful.
Don't get caught in the "I can't believe that young girl is coaching my daughter's team" syndrome.
Trust what is going on, and in the end, you'll see why everything is happening the way it is...
This age group is about developing good habits, making friends, and learning the game... who better to teach that then one of our own who has recently lived what their team is currently doing.
Read this page over and over and over... This is like clockwork, different team, different year, same things year after year...
Yours for Better Basketball Always...
Coach Robinson:)
So To Answer The Question From The Top Of The Page...
The reason I don't try to stop folks from making mistakes is because...
The roadmap is right here in front of them.
If I spent my time chasing after everyone that went against the grain, I would exhaust myself. Most folks "get it" anyway. Sure, not all are going to play BD1 Basketball, it is not that easy or simple to reach that level.
However, I do believe that if you work hard, trust that it will work, and stay away from the distractions a very good goal can be obtained.
It is like Casey Kasim used to say at the end of each of his American Top 40 Shows in the 1980s about "Keep reaching for the stars", but shoot for the moon. If you miss that main target, you'll still be amongst the stars. Meaning, you may not reach the BD1 Level, but if you do the right thing, you'll play somewhere at some level that you'll be happy with after your AAU and high school days are over.
"It's a lot easier to show people instead of telling them".
"Our Stealers' Program is like panning for Gold. "You begin with placing your pan in the water, and come up with a pan full of different items. "You then begin to remove the water, sort through the rocks, wash out the mud, sift through leftover dirt, and eventually, you'll find that one, hopefully, two pieces of Gold, that almost were lost in the pan."
The roadmap is right here in front of them.
If I spent my time chasing after everyone that went against the grain, I would exhaust myself. Most folks "get it" anyway. Sure, not all are going to play BD1 Basketball, it is not that easy or simple to reach that level.
However, I do believe that if you work hard, trust that it will work, and stay away from the distractions a very good goal can be obtained.
It is like Casey Kasim used to say at the end of each of his American Top 40 Shows in the 1980s about "Keep reaching for the stars", but shoot for the moon. If you miss that main target, you'll still be amongst the stars. Meaning, you may not reach the BD1 Level, but if you do the right thing, you'll play somewhere at some level that you'll be happy with after your AAU and high school days are over.
"It's a lot easier to show people instead of telling them".
"Our Stealers' Program is like panning for Gold. "You begin with placing your pan in the water, and come up with a pan full of different items. "You then begin to remove the water, sort through the rocks, wash out the mud, sift through leftover dirt, and eventually, you'll find that one, hopefully, two pieces of Gold, that almost were lost in the pan."